Dear One,

It is one of the most humbling positions in life to be a parent. The enormous responsibility far outweighs what some would call gratification at being the one “in charge.” The reins of power are not at all the same thing up close as those who long to hold them hope they would be. “Heavy the head that wears the crown,” is a truism for all earnest leaders. Being a parent is no less so.

At several points in Israel’s history God referred to His watchful care over them as that of a father. It is such an endearing thought. All the best qualities of the best father in human terms exemplify the love and concern Our Heavenly Father has over us. The extremes He is willing to go to in patience and sacrifice are down-right staggering. May you find the strength to show these same ideals with your children. That is an intimidating thought—that God is our pattern to live up to in how we treat the little souls in our care. God is patient, but He is so much more.

As women we tend to be closely in touch with the emotional side of parental motivation. A mother will sacrifice for her child. She would lift a car off them in extreme moments of need. Your care for their well-being is so deep you would give the last crust of bread you had to preserve their life, even at the expense of your own. Don’t let your loving intentions to spare them discomfort blind you to what is truly in their best interest. It is not easy to be strict. God loves the whole world, but He will not save all of us against our will. Romans 11:22 tells us to behold the kindness and severity of God. The majority of the world thinks of God as an indulgent Santa Claus who gives gifts with maybe the occasional lump of coal thrown in to balance things out. That is not the God of the Bible. Our God rewards and punishes based on our behavior, not on the extent of His love. The rest of that verse in Romans says, “to those who fell, severity, but to you, God’s kindness, if you continue in His kindness, otherwise you also will be cut off.” God is fair. God is just. From the depths of His emotions He wants to reward and bless, but we must not presume upon His good intentions to think He will turn a blind eye to our willful rebellion. I hope you realize at this point that I am not just talking about our Heavenly Father. You may sometimes wear the costume, but Santa Claus is not your role-model as a parent.

Fathers and mothers must present a unified front when it comes to standards and training of their children. I realize you want to excuse their misbehavior. If they truly do not understand the difference between right and wrong then they need more loving education. If, as is often the case, they are testing the waters of their little world and trying to see if they can manage to make themselves happy at the expense of obedience, then you have no choice but to remind them firmly and in love that such will not be the case. This is the proving ground of their future. What they attempt to do on a small scale will become the precedent for larger infractions of the future. They will try to push the envelope and see if you really mean what you have said. This does not make them bad. It means they are learning. But what have they learned? The way these impressionable minds learn to respond to you and your spouse as the greatest authority figure in their lives will be how they respond to all other authority figures they contact. Care-givers, teachers, police officers, and even God, Himself, will receive the same approach to respect as what you have trained them to display toward you. Please make it the right one. I do not say simply, “teach them to fear discipline.” I say–teach them to respect one who has the right to lead. We simply stand in for a greater authority.

I applaud you for teaching them to say, “thank you,” to you, no matter how awkward and self-serving it feels. You do this to train their habits. It starts with you. In Proverbs 3:12 God asks where His deserved honor is if He is, indeed, our Father. I fear that the answer may well be that we do not always instill the need for that respect in our children, so that it is not as readily given as it should be. We need to be better at teaching and showing honor and respect for God. If we do not, then the failure is our fault more than our children’s. Thank God it is not too late to try again.

your loving friend,

Laurie Moyer

“A son honors his father, and a servant his master. Then if I am a father, where is My honor? And if I am a master, where is My respect?”   Proverbs 3:12-13